My response to Better Homes and Gardens

Good evening internet people!

Yes, I know it's Sunday and I normally don't post, but I wanted to get this out while it was fresh in my mind. I promise you that I will be back to my normal boring drivel first thing in the morning.

For those of you that haven't heard of/seen the article yet, here's the link:

10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids

Now I feel the need to put my two cents in.  Let me preface this by saying that an evening out at a 4 star restaurant WITH kids is not my idea of a relaxing evening.  I'd much rather ask grandma to babysit or spring for a baby-sitter if the occasion was special.  However, over the course of parenthood I've come to realize that not all situations can be avoided - dinners with the boss, close friends in town for just the evening, on vacation so can't cook yourself, etc.  Plus I suppose some parents do enjoy it - to each their own.  So here's my take.

THOU SHALT NOT BLOCK TRAFFIC WITH BULKY STROLLERS

Ok, when I started reading this article, I was like, ok, that makes sense.  Then I started thinking, wait a minute, who takes a stroller into a restaurant?  And who the heck considers a stroller to be a status symbol?  Last time I checked I used mine as a convenient way to haul one or more kids around and keep the corralled in public.

So I pondered this a bit more.  Well, I suppose there are some situations - like being at Disney World - where the stroller is part of the day's activities.  Then if you think about it more - many of the finer establishments I've been to have few if any highchairs, and those they do have are so encrusted with who knows what that my child might as well be eating in the bathroom for all the germs.  Or if you have a tiny infant, you likely will have them in the carrier still - do people expect you to sit that on the floor and have the waiter trip over it?  At least most people can see a double-wide Maclaren.

THOU SHALT NOT ORDER A 10-COURSE TASTING MENU WITH KIDS UNDER 10

Now this seems pretty obvious to me, and honestly, I don't know any parents who would willingly take their children to something like that.  But hey, you never know what will happen.  If my husband's boss said something along the lines of "Hey, come to dinner so we can talk about your promotion, and bring the family so I can meet that cute kid of yours" we'd sure be there with bells on.


THOU SHALT NOT TREAT YOUR SERVER LIKE A SITTER

Again, when does this ever happen?  Aside from simple requests like extra napkins or a spare plate, I've never heard of any parents using the server to baby-sit.

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE

So this is the "commandment" that has the internet buzzing, particularly the "lactavist" groups.  Even though I don't consider myself a "lactavist", I am a breastfeeding mother, and I find this offensive.  For starters, 90% of the women I know are discrete about nursing in public - so much so that unless you are a nosy busybody you probably wouldn't even know what they are doing.  And then - the bathroom?!  Let's think about this.  People go to the bathroom to relieve themselves.  And I've seen some of these "nice" restrooms - garbage on the floor, pee on the seats...not to mention the millions of germs that get thrown in the air with every toilet that does get flushed.  Would YOU eat your dinner in the bathroom?  No?  Then why should my child?  And that's totally disregarding that mom needs to eat too - why should her dinner get cold just because you have a personal issue with breastfeeding?  Her plate cost just as much as yours, often more if they have other kids with them that they had to order for as well.


THOU SHALL FEEL FREE TO ORDER "KID FOOD" OFF THE MENU

Well, duh.  Does this author think we are all idiots?  Most of the parents I know will order their child something they are going to eat - whether that is the kid's meal or not.  Those that don't often have good reasons - they have dietary restrictions that are not accommodated by the offerings on the kid's menu, their kids prefer the adult food, or maybe they are just trying to expose their kids to new experiences. 

THOU SHALL NOT TURN DINNER INTO A PHOTOSHOOT

Hmmm...ever heard of Foodie blogs?  They will sit there and take pictures of their plates and then come home and critique them.  Or how about that birthday celebration two tables over taking pics of Grandma's 100th?  Just how does taking a snapshot or two of my child become more offensive than these other events?

THOU SHALT NOT BRING NOISY TOYS

Another "duh" moment over here.  But hey, would you rather hear the bleep-blooping of some toy or infant screaming?


THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING

Well, this is one of the few posts I actually do agree with.  But then I'm also the kind of parent that has no qualms about giving a couple of spanks in the bathroom stall either if they are acting out.  But not all kids respond to the same parenting methods the same.  Some will quit acting out as soon as they realize no one is paying attention - which generally a lot quicker than they'll recover from a washroom spanking.  Plus you should keep in mind that high pitched squealing can be a sign of happiness too.  And last I checked my 4 month old doesn't come with a mute switch.

THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW FREE-RANGE KIDS

Another common sense comment.  But then the only time I've seen "free range" kids is in the lobby while waiting for a table, not usually the restaurant itself.



THOU SHALL CALMLY DISCOURAGE FOOD FIGHTS

At this point, I'm starting to wonder where this reviewer is eating.  Did she take a wrong turn and end up at Chuck-E-Cheese instead of her 4-star cafe.  Come on now, food fights?!  Random internet people, do tell me when the last time you saw a food fight at a 4-star restaurant was?


Better Homes and Gardens, you can do better than this.  This isn't journalism.  It's not even informational.  It's one writer getting her panties in a bunch because she either doesn't like kids or doesn't have any.  Wouldn't surprise me if she was one of those "child free" people.  But insulting parents out there with this garbage is no way to encourage reader loyalty.

And if you ever need a real writer, I do freelance.  Hint, hint.

Ok random internet people, stepping down from my pedestal now.  Feel free to return to your regularly scheduled programming.